Those Small Dick Cucks ❤️

A single sentence about your body can echo for decades, and when dick size is tied to masculinity, that echo can turn into shame, silence, or obsession. But can it turn into something else entirely?

Venus is joined by writer Paul Hofferman, whose essay “What April Said: A Personal History of SPH” lays out an origin story that’s raw, funny, and uncomfortably relatable. Read the essay here: https://open.substack.com/pub/kinkyink/p/what-april-said-a-personal-history?r=1h0zu2&utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=web

Links: 

Find Paul K. Hofferman on:

Substack: https://substack.com/@kinkyink

Medium: https://medium.com/@p_k_hofferman

BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/kinky-ink.bsky.social

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p.k.hofferman/

Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/s?i=digital-text&rh=p_27%3APaul%2BK.%2B%2BHofferman&s=relevancerank&text=Paul+K.++Hofferman&ref=dp_byline_sr_ebooks_1

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Transcript

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Cold Open: Why Size Obsesses Men

SPEAKER_01 1:11

This is the Venus Cuckolders Podcast, a place to learn all things cuckolding for the curious, for the passionate, and for the sexually empowered woman who wants it all.

SPEAKER_02 1:37

Let's go.

SPEAKER_01 1:39

Welcome to the show. I'm your host, Venus. Thanks for joining me today. I have such a cool episode. This is absolutely one of my favorites. This topic is fucking incredible. I know that a lot of you guys are constantly thinking about the size of your dick. Basically, anybody who's like average size or below, which is probably almost all of you who are listening right now are obsessing about the size of your dick. And in cuckolding, this is like such a fucking thing. And so much so that a lot of you guys end up like eroticizing this whole size thing. I get it. I've learned about it over the last decade. I understand. I think how this works in your brain. I can play the game. It can be fun. At first I didn't understand it, but now I do. And after reading this article that this guy named Paul Hofferman wrote, I was just fucking floored because the way he explained what this is all about, this cell's SPH, small penis humiliation, the size comparison thing. He explained what this was all like for him with this origin story that he wrote. He's got this blog called Kinky Inc. And I read it and I was just like, oh my God. Now I fucking really get it. Because it wasn't just about like, you know, how this started for him or the size thing or whatever. This was literally like how this all comprehends in his brain and why and what's that actually like for him and how he's able to actually turn that and flip that into something that's actually really cool. It was absolutely profound, this piece of writing. When I read it, I was just like completely moved. You have to read it because he's on the show today. He's going to be talking about this, about this story, about this article, about what this is all about for him. We're going to be talking about it together. So pause this show right now. Go to the show notes, the description notes for this episode, whatever app you're using, just go into the notes where it explains what this show is about today. In there is the link to that post. You're just going to take five minutes to read it and then come back. So press pause, go and read it, come back. And then you are just gonna enjoy the fuck out of this episode today because we really get into it. It is fucking so fascinating. This is one of the most fun things for me to explore in the cuckolding lifestyle, is this obsession around size. Y'all know I'm a size queen, I love it, but I also really love this fucking mental strip tease game of size comparison. So let's get into it. You guys, it's so fucking good. I'm so excited for this. This is not just for cucks to listen to, this is for ladies. Ladies, if you have a guy in your life who is into this, this is for you to help understand what this is all about. This is gonna be so helpful for you. This is also for cucks, obviously, to understand a little bit more about themselves and this desire and these fantasies that you have and this thing around comparison and dick size and all this stuff. But also, let's not forget, this is about the bulls, too. This is this one's for you too. This is gonna help you understand so much better about where this desire comes from when it comes to cuckolding dynamics. This is totally gonna help you to figure that shit out.

Host Announcements and Listener Submissions

SPEAKER_01 5:21

Um, but before we get into it, I just have a few little announcements. And in other news, unrelated. Well, sort of. I'm still completely fucking obsessed over Jude Bellingham. If anybody follows me on my Instagram, follow me there if you don't already, Venus Cuckle Just Podcast. Um, my whole fucking Instagram for you page is basically just Jude Bellingham. I am in love with this fucking guy who plays uh soccer. He's on the football team for England, and I just fell in love with this guy over with the World Cup, and I was just like, damn, this is the most beautiful guy ever. Not only is he beautiful, but he's just like such a good person. And holy shit, I'm obsessed. The more Jude Bellingham shit that's on my page, the better. And um, one of my fans did this like AI picture of me and Jude Bellingham just like, you know, hanging out, smooching it up and stuff. And I was just like, this is the best fucking thing ever. So check out my blue sky or my Instagram to see that photo because like I loved it so much. So thank you to that fan for who put that together for me because that was that just completely made my day. That was so awesome. So yeah, still obsessed with Jude Bellingham, but you know what I'm also obsessed with? Jimothy. Jimothy the raccoon in Seattle. I don't know if you guys, if you're listening, if you haven't heard, I don't know if you haven't heard about Jimothy. He is like the coolest little raccoon dude ever who has gone viral for some video because he's looks a little funny. He looks a little funny, but he's a cool little dude and like he's adorable, and I'm just obsessed with all things Jimothy. I think I need to get a shirt with Jimothy on it. But anyway, um I'm obsessing over those two things right now, Jude Bellingham and Jimothy. Um, also, I wanted to mention that I recorded another episode for I was a guest on the uh Strictly Anonymous podcast with Kathy, Kathy Kay. And it was uh probably one of the most fun episodes I have ever recorded for uh or been a guest on somebody's show because she's so fucking funny. Oh my god. She asked me, it was a QA, but wow, was that ever a fun conversation? She asked me some stuff that I've never been asked before. So I'm not sure when that episode's gonna be coming out, but it will be coming out sometime soon. Keep your eyes and ears peeled for that one. Strictly anonymous with Kathy Kay. Um, and then, oh yeah, last announcement. You're running out of time to send me your favorite cuck porn videos. I'm gonna be doing another rate and review episode with your favorite ones, but also please, you guys, send me some of the worst out there, or not just like the worst, but like the most hilarious, the most most corny, most cheesy, like ri ridiculous script. Whatever you think that

Meet Paul and the SPH Essay

SPEAKER_01 9:20

I would think would be like fucking hilarious, please send it to me. Send it to Venus at VenuscuckOldress.com or use the contact form on my website. Uh, either way, just send it to me. You're running out of time. I'm gonna be doing that episode shortly. All right, that's it for announcements. Let's jump into the show today. Here we go. Joining me on the show, I have Paul Hofferman, and he's an author of this essay that I read on Substack. And I was just like, wow, I need this guy on the show because we need to talk about this. This essay was fucking amazing. This is a topic that is so fascinating to me, and I'm so happy, Paul, to have you here on the show. Say hello to all the listeners.

SPEAKER_00 10:20

Hi, everybody. Oh my God, I am like fanboying out right now. Like, thank you, Venus. Oh, I have just been such a longtime listener, and I am just I am so thrilled to be here.

SPEAKER_01 10:30

Well, this is this is so great. I can't wait to dive into this with you. Uh, this is absolutely gonna be one of my favorite episodes. I know this already because this subject is just like so fun. And I know that there's like a gazillion guys listening right now who are so into this. And there's probably, hopefully, lots of women who are listening to the show as well who don't quite understand this, some who do, but lots who don't. And so this is gonna be like such a fascinating glimpse into the mind of what small penis humiliation or SPH is and what it's been for you and your story behind that. So, this essay is called What April Said: A Personal History of SPH. And I loved the um imagery, the graph, the picture, which is like hilarious, but it's on Substack um under the name Kinky Inc. And this is like the story of how this kind of like trauma around the size of your penis had turned morphed into this like erotic humiliation of SPH, which is just like so, like I said, so fascinating for me to learn about because I didn't understand this. And before we jump into your story about about what this was for you, I just want to say a little bit about my experience around this and where this came from for me, because I did not understand, I didn't even know anything about SPH. My first cuck boyfriend had this kink, and but he also had a very like above average size dick. And I'm a size. So I was like, he was always like, I want you to find somebody bigger. And I was like, but why? Like you're big, like I don't understand this. It didn't really, I was like, I don't get it, but I could see how much it turned him on, like just to hear me say something about a guy that was bigger or whatever. He wanted me to find a guy that was bigger than him, and I was like, I don't know that that's gonna be very easy, but I'm like, that sounds like a fun challenge, so I'll take that up. So that was my first kind of like, you know, introduction to a guy who was turned on by this, but I didn't, I didn't get it at all. I didn't understand it. And then um after that, like I was talking to like random cucks online and stuff, and some would be like just blurt out to me, like, tell me how small my dick is. And I was like, What? Like, what? I did, I was like, that that's weird. Like, why are you saying that to me? I don't even know you. And then um it was this guy named Jay, who I have had on the show a long time ago, who talked about his girlfriend who signed him up to um compete in a small dick competition at a like drag bar, and um, like he won an award.

SPEAKER_00 13:34

And I bet the trophy was small too.

SPEAKER_01 13:38

Right. It was such a great, great story. Anyway, he we were we've been friends for a long time, and and he had way back then had wrote a blog post online about how he really likes his exceptionally small dick. And it was the first time in my life I'd ever heard heard a guy say that he really likes being small. And so it was fascinating to me. I learned so much from him. He also um taught me a lot about chastity because his girlfriend at the time locked him up for long periods of time and I didn't know what chastity was or understand it. So he he really opened my eyes to a lot of the psychology around that and how it benefited him and changed him for the better. And I was like, this was so fascinating. So that was like a decade ago, and since then I've learned a lot about SPH and learned to really, really love this aspect of a cuck's mind or a guy's mind. And I find it so interesting. So when I read your story, I was like, oh wow, this is like the best origin story, but not just that, but you go and you like explain what it all of the internalized stuff of what it does for you and all of that, which is so fascinating. So so let's dig in. Like, okay, and by the way, I noticed like you are such a great writer. I was just like, holy shit, this is amazing. The way that you've articulated all of this. I'm I mean, that's another part of it why I loved this blog post so much. I was like, holy shit, this is a really great read. Um, but how did this all come up for you? Like, where did this come from for you?

SPEAKER_00 15:22

Um, do you want me to talk about like where the article came from first? Or you can talk about okay, so the article itself, um

How Paul Writes Kink Memoir

SPEAKER_00 15:30

I am really like a great friend um and and writer for Sloan Black. So she has um Sloane's Smut School. Um this is on I'm gonna I'm gonna just slip up and just call Substack Smut Stack. I know that's gonna happen. So that's really what we call it a smut stack. Um so she has this um, she gets it, she has a lot of things kind of going on, but she's the one actually who brought me over to Substack, um, encouraged me to uh start uh there because um we knew each other from medium. So she was an editor of a publication that I would submit to often, and she was um putting together a collection of stories, and that was like the first parts of her email exchanges last year, last summer. Um, and then we just sort of like developed a friendship and just talking about it, and then she's like, Hey, I'm uh I'm on Substack now. You should come over there. I think you would like it better, and not to put like one on top of the other, because I'm still somewhat active on Medium, but I did um open an account and and started really uh writing there a lot, posting uh pictures of myself in panties, just called Under the Suit. Um and then um I also have some artwork. So uh while I've you know, just sort of bouncing things around, and then she has a my kink Mondays um thing. And so she just invites writers to, hey, this, you know, what's your kink? And what do people get wrong about it is is the main thing. And what gets you excited about it, and how is it different from vanilla sex, and what are the the main things that you were not gonna compromise on, and what would you tell somebody uh, you know, who's interested in in your kink? So I have been researching my own kinks and um writing about them more memoir casual academically, and um I ended up just putting all this out there. Like uh I I don't know, it's it's this weird thing where you can be very vulnerable under a pseudonym. Um it gives you that kind of I don't know, like room to actually explore. And you are putting yourself out there, but for some reason, since it's not tied to like the real, you know, like I who I identify with in particular, I mean it's a persona. So um it just frees me up enough to kind of like where I can write more honestly. Um and so this this one particular kink I really wanted to understand um because it is humiliation, um, and it's it kind of goes to a really you know dark, scary place for a lot of guys because when you feel that you're lacking, um, and you know, I have, uh then it's like, well, you know, what do you do to compensate for that? But then you start looking at it in in like um in in ways where it's just like uh what what what can actually like what am I tapping into? Um and so with this essay and some of the research I've done, uh that's how the article came about.

SPEAKER_01 19:00

So in writing this blog post uh on Substack called What April Said, it was, I'm assuming, like such a great way for you to really try to analyze and figure out like why am where did this come from? Why am I into it? So, what exactly is What April Said, a personal history of SBH? For the people who haven't read it, uh the link to this sub stack will be in the description, just show notes for for the show. So everybody needs to go and read this article because it is so fucking fantastic. But what exactly is it? It's an origin origin story of where this came from for you.

SPEAKER_00 19:43

It is, yeah. So I mean, it goes back, I mean, it starts even back in like high school. Um, so I

Growing Up With Size Anxiety

SPEAKER_00 19:52

was, you know, I was on the track team, my girlfriend was on the track team. Um, and even I would always find excuses to skip the shower. Like I just I was like, hmm, I ain't gonna do that. You know, I've I've already like seen in you know the the meat locker that the shower can be. And I'm like, yeah, I don't I don't need people making fun of me. Um that's okay. So I would just always like, I mean, I'm I'm kind of modest to a fault anyway. So I would just find reasons either to, you know, I would change with a towel wrapped around me. I really didn't want to like, you know, I definitely didn't bring forth big dick energy. So um, and there's there's a particular like guys who are well hung. I mean, they just have that swagger, they have that that you know, confidence, they just let it out there, they don't give a fuck, and and here I am just like nope. So um so I mean that was like the one first piece of it, I guess, was that. And then um just with her, like um she lost her virginity to me, so she hadn't been with anybody else. Um, and it's not that I have a micro penis. I also want to say that, like I go into like I get really TMI in this in this essay. Um, I am I am like on the small end of average.

SPEAKER_02 21:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:21

So average is like a little what five point, I don't know, I think it's five point one nine or something. I don't know. So I'm like right there, I'm right at five on a good day. So you know, um and we would so it kind of starts out like uh tied to even even my wife talking about like how um when I work out, you know, I said something like, you know, for every 10 pounds you lose, you gain an inch. And then she literally said, Well, can you lose 70 pounds then? I love her so much. Um, and then you know, when she read the art when she read the article, she was like, Oh my god, this sounds so mean. I'm like, no, it doesn't. This is hilarious, this is perfect. Yeah. Um but going back to my high school girlfriend, we would we would run through the neighborhoods, sort of like play a game of chase. Um, and when when I run, like blood goes everywhere else but my dick. So like it is like shriveled up. And she my my high school girlfriend would just make make so much fun of me. Uh, and she called it the Pacers Pien. Um, and and she was sweet. I mean, like uh, you know, she sort of teased me and got me aroused to where it was like, you know, okay, back to normal. We're good. Um, so that was like the the first bits of it. And then as I dated um, you know, high school and in college, you know, kind of being aware that I was, you know, on average, if not lower, um, I just tried to be like the best boyfriend a girl could have. Like I just made sure that she came first. I got really great with oral. Um, you've said this on your show several times. Um, uh, so like servicing, you know, girls was just like, God, I love eating pussy. Oh my God. Like, I just like it is my favorite thing to do. Um, so and then, you know, I'd hear I'd hear things like from you know, uh friends with benefits, although that wasn't the term back then. But, you know, like I remember one girl in particular, she liked blowjobs, and then she just told me, like, you're great practice. Uh, my jaw doesn't feel like it's, you know, gonna fall off and I don't gag. And I'm like, oh, thanks. Thanks. I guess that's just wonderful. Um, so things like that just sort of stick, you know, and and at first it it was it kind of hurt, kind of stung, but then in a way it was also just like Like, well, I mean, this is who I am. This is you know what I've got. And I also like uh, you know, my penis has a curve upward, and then I'd started to learn, like, oh, so I can use this to my benefit. So typically my moves were just, you know, go to town, eating her out, get her to, you know, orgasm, and then kind of crawl up and get the angle just right. And they just, yeah, like some girls have said that I've given them the best orgasms they've ever had. So I'm like, yeah, cool.

SPEAKER_02 24:35

Thanks.

SPEAKER_00 24:35

I know how to do this. Um, and then April happened. And I don't know if we want to go there yet, but let's do it. Uh all right.

SPEAKER_01 24:49

Let's do it. Dive in.

April and the Moment It Broke

SPEAKER_00 24:52

So, you know, I forgot what poet said April is the cruelest month, but uh April was the cruelest girlfriend. Um she so one other thing. Uh typically the girls I dated um were not my height. Like I would try to just pick more petite girls just because, well, I mean, think about it. Like if they're more petite, maybe, you know, like since of my size and everything else. Yeah, I was thinking, okay, that would work out. Um, so it was it's really rare that I would date someone that who was my height. I actually dated one girl in college that was a little bit taller than me. And kid you not, we're like making out, and uh, I could just tell she was disappointed when she thought me up, and um, she was just like, I'll give you a hand job, but I was just it's okay. So, you know. Um, yeah, sad story. So uh April. April was uh a a blast. Um, she was not the type of girl I normally go after. In fact, she's the one who came on to me. Um and I just was just like, I mean, you've got a lot of energy. And I she was she was very pretty, and she had red hair, and it was just like um just her personality was just like uh sometimes like it could be just too much. She was just so full of uh she she would just take up a room, you know. And um, she drove really fast and she listened to a lot of punk music, which was fine, but then some things were just like really like, oh my god, I need to like uh go somewhere else to sort of decompress from being around you, that kind of thing. Um and so we're at a bar and um her ex-boyfriend is there, and so I get to meet him, and uh I s I swear to you, like eye level, I am like probably at his chest, like the dude I'm just like having to to look up. And then, you know, when we go to shake hands, his hand is so fucking massive, like it just like total, and I'm just like lost in in like this the sea of like palm from this guy. And um, so I'm you know, I was just like, hey, you know, what's up? And so then he goes and talks to her for a little bit, and then you know, we go on about our evening. Um she was one of the ones who we did try this one position where um we were sitting up, she was on my lap, I was on the edge of the bed, um, and it was it was a really great uh sexual position for her. And um so that was one of the times where uh again I gave an orgasm to someone who was just like, oh my god, like I never come like that ever. So I was I was like, okay, this is good. Um she liked rough sex, and I was more of the romantic type. So that was another thing that was kind of missing in our alignment. Um and and so then, you know, like she would say things like, I'd, you know, just throw me down, take me, and harder, and like, you know, spank my ass, and you know, like one of just like all these crazy things. And and I was just kind of like at the time, just uh, I mean, now I'd be like, hell yeah. But back then, back then it was just like, oh my god, I don't really know what I'm doing here. I'm out of my element. So I'm it it wasn't uncommon for me to crash there. And so uh one morning, she was already up and her bedroom is right off the kitchen. And so she and her roommate uh were at the kitchen table and they were talking, and that's when I heard my name. And so at first I was just sort of like, I mean, you know, I want to know what she has to say, so I'm just gonna eavesdrop. So I had it coming. And this is really important. And when I was trying to um, when I was writing about this particular experience, it was really important that I made, I really was trying my best to make sure that she doesn't come across as a bad person, that she's she's not. Um, even though it totally like wrecked me and destroyed me at the time, um, she's not a bad person.

SPEAKER_02 29:36

Right.

SPEAKER_00 29:36

Uh we just weren't we just weren't compatible uh in so many different ways, not just sexually, but um so I just want to put get that out there. Like I I have no animosity or anything. Um so they're talking, and she confesses how much she misses her ex-boyfriend. And so then I'm immediately going right back to the time where I met him, and I just had a feeling. I'm like, I know, I know what's coming, and it's not gonna be good. And so, you know, she just she starts saying just what a great guy I am, and like how I go out of my way for her and I would do anything for her, and she thinks I'm the sweetest. And you know what that's you know what's coming, like you just know, like this is just here it, you know, here it comes. This is the but and it did, it landed, and it ooh. So she was just like, I, you know, I just miss her ex. And um, and so her roommate was like, Well, but he was such an asshole. And he's like, I know, I know, and he slept around and he, you know, cheated on me, and I get that, but I just I just just Paul isn't doing it for me. Like, I just really want to be manhandled and I want to be taken and I want to be fucked, and I just I'm just not getting that from him. And so in that conversation, I mean, she doesn't say that I was small or anything, but you know, like she's just saying how she's still frustrated.

SPEAKER_01 31:12

Yeah, you knew.

SPEAKER_00 31:14

Yeah, exactly. And then when her roommate was just like, well, you know, I mean, if if this is the case, then sounds like he might be the perfect guy for anal. Yeah. Isn't it like thanks?

SPEAKER_01 31:37

Uh you know that needs to be on a t-shirt. Um I'm the perfect guy for anal.

SPEAKER_00 31:54

All right, I'll get that made. If you ever have me on again, I'll just yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:00

Yeah, I'll wear that next time. I'm the perfect guy for anal. Maybe that's just how I introduced myself.

SPEAKER_01 32:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:07

Maybe maybe I should have it on the sub stack, you know. Oh, Hawkerman, perfect guy for anal.

SPEAKER_01 32:14

Perfect guy for anal. Yeah. I love it. I love it.

SPEAKER_00 32:18

Um and we tried, we we tried anal. It was after that, actually. Um that was that was fun. And she she loved it. Uh but yeah, we didn't last.

SPEAKER_01 32:27

You are, you really are the perfect guy for anal.

SPEAKER_00 32:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:30

Um okay, so you guys you guys broke up shortly after that.

SPEAKER_00 32:34

Oh, oh yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:35

Yeah, that was that was it. And you were wounded, I'm assuming. Your ego was wounded.

SPEAKER_00 32:41

I was destroyed. I mean, um, I talked to as a guy, I I don't know. Like this is one thing I wish would change, at least with my generation. I'm Gen X. So uh we don't talk about sex much, right? Um, unfortunately. And um, you know, that was that was, I mean, this is oh gosh, let's see, over 30 years ago uh when this happened. So um, yeah, back then I just I just one one of my friends I just really trusted, and you know, I was just kind of like, I I I need to tell you what happened, and I gotta, you know, I gotta work through this, but like I couldn't even like masturbate. Like, I just wasn't like it, it was it just really wrecked me big time. Like, um, I didn't even know like how to try to approach anybody anymore because then it was just like, hi, my name is Paul. Um, of course, then I didn't have the perfect tagline of being perfect for Anal. Wow. Where were you then? Right?

SPEAKER_01 33:53

I know, I know I could have made this epic for you.

SPEAKER_00 33:57

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 34:01

Maybe that'll be the legacy of my show.

SPEAKER_00 34:04

It will. That's it. That's and then and then they're just that's all I'm gonna hear about from here on after is just, oh yeah, that guy. Yeah, you gotta go check his stuff out. And he's perfect for anal.

SPEAKER_01 34:14

Perfect for anal.

SPEAKER_00 34:17

So, but yeah, like I just I didn't know uh like what I I mean, do I need to talk about this with any of my future dates? Do I need to like um you know go through that? And um, and I really after that, uh I think I only went out with maybe two other people. Um, and even then I um I didn't have sex with them. Um, it wasn't until I I dated my wife. And um that was well, I mean, I did the I did the one thing

A Supportive Marriage Rebuilds Confidence

SPEAKER_00 34:57

that I I swore I would never do when I met her, and and that was I just trauma dumped. Okay, you know, like blah, here's here's everything that's wrong with me. Here's what's happened, this is what I'm currently dealing with. Um, this is me at my worst. And if you're still around, you know, we're good. And she heard it out, and um she yeah, she stuck around.

SPEAKER_01 35:23

I mean, she said that she just stuck around, stick around though. You said she actually helped rebuild all of your confidence and do all of those things, which is pretty, pretty awesome.

SPEAKER_00 35:35

So we um so one, she's five, two. So, you know, petite. And um we had amazing, we had amazing sex. Uh the our first date, I swear to god, our first date, I wish I could, if I if I could ever go back and relive a time of my life, it was our first date. It was perfectly romantic. It rained a lot, we had a picnic, and she forgot to bring the food um because she was so nervous. And um, so we we stopped off at this place and we had grilled cheese sandwiches, and uh and then we got back to her apartment and we uh we had sex seven times um on that day. And uh I just was like, yeah, she's amazing. So um we we got engaged like probably a couple of months after that. Um, and then we eloped, and we had been married, it'll be uh 30 years this year. So she did a lot of um, I don't know, like just boosted my confidence. Like um, you know, she would she would say, You're just you're perfect for me. Uh you're you we fit together so well, and um just how like if I go too much into detail, she's gonna kill me. So they gotta be careful. Um we were a very good fit. Let me just write. So um, and I well, I'll say this. There was another thing that sort of helped boost my confidence, not only like with with how she was sort of helping me rehabilitate, but um, there was one day we were um walking into our apartment building, and uh we were on the second floor. And so uh this really cute college chick was living below us, and she came out and she confessed that she could hear us having sex, and um, so it turned her and her boyfriend on, and then they decided to have sex, and then she was like, but y'all still weren't done. And and so I just like, yeah, that's right. I got stamina too, baby.

SPEAKER_01 37:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:00

So um we uh yeah, so so Megan um really like brought me out of that um by giving me confidence again, by um she she was just so patient, understanding. Um, she'd have to reassure me a couple of times. Um, and but I mean, like, like we just connected sexually on this amazing level that really did bring me back to like, okay, yes, I I I do have this. I know I know how to be a great lover, I know how to how to definitely, you know, make a woman happy. Um and so that was very instrumental um in in just giving me that boost that I needed to find myself again until I had to confess uh a few years ago about SPH. Um so we're at a we're at a um

Confessing SPH and Trying a Dildo

SPEAKER_00 39:09

brewery and we're drinking high gravity beers, we're drinking IPAs, and um it, you know, it just kind of loosens you up a little bit. And so I tell her, I'm like, you know, I've fantasized about you know you and and one of your exes, um, because you know, by this point, you know, we gosh, let's see, we've been married by that point at least 20 plus years, you know. And so it was uh it was during the summer, the kids were down with the grandparents, so we had the place to ourselves, and it was nice to just sort of date, you know, like we usually would do. And so um, yeah, I just sort of just was like, um, I had already started kind of going getting into cuckold porn and uh stories about cuckolding, and probably around that time is also like when I started listening to your podcast on a regular basis. Um and so I just decided to just kind of kind of let this fantasy out there uh explaining to her about um just how I would fantasize about what she's told me about her ex-boyfriend, uh Paul, who I get my pseudonym from. Um I could talk about more later, but uh so she had said like he had, you know, a little over, I don't know, she's like, I don't know, like I don't measure these things, but yeah, okay. Like if I were to guess, it was probably around seven inches. And I was like, oh, oh, okay, tell me more. And then, you know, she's just like, I he just had this amazing cock, like it was just it was the dream cock, and that stuck. It just stuck. And so then it just kind of went through this whole like, well, I don't have that. I mean, she's obviously she's happy with me. We've been together for you know, 20 plus years, we've had a um a very satisfying sex life, so you know, it was just one of those things where I just like started fantasizing about like seeing her with someone else and someone more more well endowed. And and so then um that's sort of where it took hold. And when I started just trying to explain this to her, and I was like, I just God, I just think it would be so hot if I saw you as somebody with a bigger tick, just really getting off and enjoying yourself and and all that. And then and at first she was just she was pissed because she's just like, wait, what you're you gotta be fucking kidding me.

SPEAKER_01 41:44

What right, right? Because understandable, it was it was traumatic for you, everything that you went through. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:51

And then how she had to like help me through that and help me recover from that. And then and then, you know, so it totally blindsided her. Like, like she knew, like, um, I mean, she knows everything. Like, I don't keep anything from her. Um, she knows about uh my writing, she actually read the article. Um, she doesn't read a lot of my other stuff because this that's just not what she's into. Um, so I guess that's why I explore it a lot. Um, and so for example, like, you know, she told me, like, no, I'll never cuck you. Like, that's just not gonna happen. And I'm like, well, but it's your pleasure. It's uh she's like, no. She's like, I know you can't handle that. And um we still talk about it. We it's still a fantasy and we still role play, we still do things around that. Um, and so you know, after that confession, we were just sort of talking about it, and then we we literally like stopped by an adult toy store and shopped for a dildo. Um, and she picked one that was that looked, you know, as best to her memory. Um, she remembers. Oh, I know. I am sure. Um so we we buy one that uh fits, you know, that mold, so to speak. Uh and we took it home and we had a we had a lot of fun. We we really we really had a lot of fun. Um so just sort of like reenacting that fantasy.

SPEAKER_02 43:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:27

Um, and then comparing myself to it. Like now I visually can see, you know, like side by side, uh, just how it dwarfs me uh completely. And it was just so fucking hot. Like I just got so just um it's kind of like it's a pit in your stomach. Like, I'm not gonna lie, like it hurts. So um there's like a it's just just it's like a like you're about to get into a car crash, honestly. Like your adrenaline kicks in. Um so there's this spike of adrenaline and and I'm sure like someone else could talk more about like whatever hormones are like popping off in my brain, you know, but like endorphin or adrenaline, you know, like that type of rush. So so that's going on, but at the same time, it's also like this um extreme deep ache of that's not me, and um it will never be me. And um and so it's this combination of those things and I think if it wasn't for the fact that uh I was in a stable, loving, open, community relationship, um I don't know if if if it could have evolved the way it did. I think that is crucial that my wife does not judge me for any of my kinks, which are plenty. Um, so she never has made me feel ashamed. Um, and I think that's another part of this that makes it hard for her because um when I finally did sort of like kind of explain even further, like um the comparison, it really comes down to comparison.

SPEAKER_02 45:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:38

And this is where it kind of speaks back to uh the boyfriend that you had mentioned, because he was well endowed, but then he still got off on seeing someone else who was even more well endowed than he was. And so I think like um SPH falls into this whole comparison kink, the in that um I think that's one of the biggest misunderstandings is that guys who are into this must have. A small dick.

SPEAKER_02 46:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:04

Um, and that's not necessarily the case, as even you had uh explained earlier. So I think that that's the first misconception. Um and then uh it I this is where I I say that it really gets wrapped into this comparison thing, like, yeah, he's got a bigger cock than I do, um, or the toy. It's you know, this is really where we're going with that. But the toy was a stand-in for her ex-boyfriend, right? So it was just like, yeah, I'm I'm I don't have that equipment. Um, and it just got this excitement and angst and everything just wrapped in me. And I absolutely loved it.

SPEAKER_01 46:46

I can just imagine how formative that must have been, that day must have been. You I you shared with your wife that these things turn you on. She was probably shocked and just like a little concerned, but still open-minded enough for you guys to go to the sex store and get this like big dildo, and then to have this comparative gaze kind of experience that night together, and to understand what kind of effect that had on you, your emotions, and your body. I can imagine how formative that experience must have been and how confusing too, I'm sure. Because, like this, like you said, it feels awful, but it's also a turn on. Like, is this healthy? Is this more trauma that you have to like work through? But um it's so incredibly hot to me as well to like play with this kink. Like, I can like I get it, I fucking get it. It's so so sexy, especially the comparison thing. Like, I've talked about all on my show before. I talked about my ultimate fantasy being a BBC wedding night, BBC gangbang. And part of that story includes having a comparison photo at that moment. And I just like, I don't know, there's something about it. It's just like so hot. I don't know. But I get, I so love what you said about how, in order for this to be healthy, in order for this to not be something that scars you for life and you have to go to therapy about and like you're curled up in the fetal position, like in the corner of the room. Like, in order for it to not be that, you had the safety of this relationship with your wife. You had that that space to be able to explore that and not feel shame and not feel like this would destroy you. That I think that's amazing.

SPEAKER_00 48:50

Yeah, and and I think like um again, it was it was a way to reclaim that hurt and that trauma.

SPEAKER_02 48:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 49:00

Um, and I mean, that was just like the eye-opening night, right? Um, and then thereafter it just it just clicked. And then I had to really start thinking about like, oh, this is a thing for me now. Like um, I'm I'm really, really turned on by this. And so then I would start uh I start look, you know, looking for um, well, first it was J O I J O I porn. Uh and and that was really funny. One night my wife was like, so um, I do most of my business in the walk-in closet because uh, you know, when you have kids, like any type of like space is just you know invaded or whatever. So um I just had this sort of like kinky little sanctuary in our walk-in closet. And so there was one night um she heard me in there, and then she just sort of opens the door, and then she's like, Okay, uh, oh, all right, I see. Okay, that's cool. Uh, what are you watching? And uh, because it was just this it was this woman and she was in lingerie, but there was no sex, and I had my my um my ear pods in, and uh so she was just like, Okay, and I was like, Well, it's it's J-O-I. She's like, What's J O I? I was like, jerk off instruction. And she just dies laughing. She's like, like you need that. Like, like you need instructions. What the fuck is wrong with you? And then she closes the door. So so then, like along that line, you know, you find the SPH videos, and so then I just start, you know, streaming those on a regular basis, and then it really just starts to like I'm like, okay, so there is like a market for this. There are so many, you know, um, places out there where you can find SPH, and um, I know I'm not alone. And and so then I just really started to explore it. I started um reading up on it. Um and so then that's when I found out some other things. Uh, and then I'll say like it was probably last summer that's when I'm just like, okay, I want to explore all of the kinks that I have, and I know that it's rooted in some things in my childhood. Like most most things get anchored there anyway. Um, and so um I just really started doing some research. And when I started looking into SPH in particular, you know, one of the things that comes up was like um body dysmorphia. So um what I want to say is if there is anybody that's dealing with the body dysmorphia uh side of this, which I think initially for me, especially after April was such um, I want to say travesty, but I mean it was tragic, it was traumatic. Um, you know, like uh yeah, I I did not for for a for a while, like I I did not like my body, I did not like my penis. Um, you know, I couldn't masturbate. Um it was it was a a very scarring moment. Um, and and then just kind of like coming out of that, right? Like um accepting it, accepting it about myself, accepting that, you know, like, no, I'm not gonna get surgery. No, I'm not gonna like do any type of enhancement products or anything like that. Like, this is me, this is who I am. I know that um I am a good lover. I know that my wife is happy with me. Uh, we have a great sex life. Like, I like so once I started getting that security, and then I started like reflecting back on this, um, that's when I was just like, well, no, for me, it's not, it's no longer, I should say, a body dysmorphic. I don't know if that's really the right way you I don't know if that's really a term, but um, so for me, it it's not really that now. Um, it really has evolved into um it's just this comparison thing. And I am not I'm envious, you know, like when I so one of the thoughts I had had was like okay, if I was well in doubt, would I have the sexual fantasies or the kinks that I have now, right? So and then but but you've talked about this, and that's one of the things that sort of clicked with me was like, no, I mean, like you you mentioned, hey, there's a guy that's got a seven-inch dick and or even bigger than that, and he's still into SPH. So uh just like okay, it's not grounded in that. Um, it's more just of yeah, like I can I can appreciate looking at a nice cock and be like, wow, uh that would be amazing to have, and I would not know what to do with myself.

SPEAKER_01 53:58

Like you said it so you talked about the jealousy, the envy, uh so well, and how this is so separate from that. Like um in your essay, and I just want to read this part. I love the way you explained this. You said the man who wants

The Psychology of Comparison Kink

SPEAKER_01 54:17

his partner to humiliate him, who invites comparison, who asks for brutal honesty, that's an act of profound vulnerability. And I love this about Cox. Like, I fucking love this. You said SPH requires more trust than almost any other kink. Jealousy is safe because love is absolute. You said envy and jealousy coexist more in an awareness of difference. Envy says, I want what he has. Jealousy says I'm afraid of losing what's mine. But you said neither really exists in SPH. I'm not gonna, I'm not trying to become him. There's no fear that she'll leave me because the relationship is secure and stable. You said the erotic charge is found in the gap between what he has and what she experiences.

SPEAKER_02 55:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 55:13

Love that so much. You said it's almost more aesthetic than emotional. The way a photographer notices light, I notice the difference. I measure it, I feel it in my chest. The jealousy gets pointed inward, it becomes fuel for the insecurity engine. Am I enough? gets transformed through the kink into I'm not enough. And that's exactly what I want to feel right now. Insecurity gets eroticized. I was like, oh my god, my mind is blown. I've that made so much sense. So now I fucking get it. Now I can totally appreciate how this works for you. This was like so amazing for me to read this.

SPEAKER_00 55:58

Oh, it's so amazing to hear your voice. Like, I was like, oh my god, I wrote that. Oh my god, this is Venus reading this back to me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 56:10

Um I love it so much because now I'm like, I get it. I get it.

SPEAKER_00 56:14

Yeah. It is, it's really all about the comparison. Um, and just I mean, just knowing and and accepting that. Um, and and then, you know, we've had fun, like not only with the dildo, right? But like even breaking out the measuring tape. Um, I love this.

SPEAKER_01 56:33

I have not done this before. This has to be done. Like, how have I not done this before? I need to bring out the measuring tape. It's so funny. Um, yeah. I love this. But uh, what I want to touch on real quick is you said something about um how SBH subverts toxic masculinity. Can you explain that a little bit?

SPEAKER_00 56:59

Um all right. So

SPH, Vulnerability, and Toxic Masculinity

SPEAKER_00 57:03

part of, well, I've been struggling with this a lot with um the writer community that I'm part of on Substack because uh a lot of the the women who write, uh, they get a shitload of dick pics, just unsolicited, right? And for for me, I'm just like, well, why does this happen? Why do guys feel like they just need to honestly like just ruin someone's day um for for just sending like why is that the lead-in? Just hi, and then boom, there's a cock in your face. Like I how how successful are you, dude? Um and so I think like there's there's a couple of different ways to look at it, like this whole idea of with with masculinity in itself and what our society tries to to put out there, like that bigger is always better, um, that uh men have to be overly strong, uh, overly masculine, meaning, you know, like I mean, I'm I mean, no, I'm not like really tall, but I'm not an effeminate guy at all. Um, so like I'm just kind of a normal dude. And I just my whole thing has just always been like you respect, you respect people, you respect each other, and you especially respect women. Um and I think that there's this part of it's like kind of just wrapped up. I mean, you know, peg the patriarchy, right?

SPEAKER_01 58:38

Like there's I have the shirt. I have the shirt.

SPEAKER_00 58:41

I love it, right? Like, um I really I really want a shirt that just says I heart pegging is is really what I want. Um we can't go there another time. Uh but that's another kink. Um but but as far as like the patriarchy itself, our dominant culture, especially in America. I mean, I don't necessarily know what it's like for you in Canada, but um in America and and especially in our current climate, which is just I don't want to go there. Um there's just this sort of like Walmart type of masculinity. Um the toxic masculinity I think that I see is is basically like um uh kind of maybe tied to big dick energy. Like I don't really like if I've got a big cock, I know that women are gonna want me. I know that like I don't really have to do much because they're just gonna, you know, see that all over it, worship it, and then um, and you know, I'll make them come and and I'll just you know, like so I've got this like prowess because you know I'm well hung. Um but how that sort of gets into our culture, there's so much emphasis placed on um you know, big is more. Um, and it's not just penis, I mean it's with everything, right? Yeah. Um, and so then that also means power uh and taking up space, manspreading, like this sort of focused so much on the male space and male gaze and um how in in a lot of ways it's just uh narcissistic.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:32

Uh and what I think that SBH does in a way that's well, I'm always about subverting heteronormative, like anything heteronormative, I'm always about subverting it as as much as possible. Like um, I love wearing panties. I don't see that as like making me uh weak and effeminate, it's just I see it as like a um like a tactile fetish. Um I you know, talk about more of that later, but it definitely subverts these ideas of gender roles, and I think gender roles are bullshit. Um I think that especially in my marriage, um I and I've c I've caught flack from this from like my in-laws in particular, like um, I don't know if I really want to go down this road, but um like I I would, you know, my wife would have to get up. She'd have to get up early to go to work. And I would get up and make her coffee and make sure that she was packed up and ready to go for the day. And there was one time that the in-laws were over, and my father-in-law is just like, why are you doing this? Why and I'm like, dude.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:45

Why not?

SPEAKER_00 1:01:46

Well, why do you think I'm kind of like I'm standing there kind of confused because I'm just like, okay, I know that you're accusing me of being pussy whipped. I can see that, but it's your daughter I'm taking care of. Like, what the fuck are you saying, man? Like, and he's he's a retired Marine, so he's, you know, just so um there's just some some elements of masculinity that are obviously um problematic. And I just see SPH as it's really about being a genuine person, and it's really about like taking the risk to be vulnerable. And by being vulnerable, you're actually reclaiming not just space for yourself, but it relies on the trust that you're putting in who you're being vulnerable in front of. And so that if I am taking that risk to uh put something out there that I know might hurt me, but I'm trusting the other person enough and showing them enough respect that they won't take that and hurt me unless I ask for it, um then uh then it it equalizes that space. And by equalizing that space, that's what I mean by accepting this about myself, um, definitely subverts that heteronormative place in our culture where I feel that toxic mass masculinity is coming from. It totally denounces that bigger is better kind of thing.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:21

Yeah. I love that. It's like a form of personal growth. Um, and I love that you've been able to like work through that. But how has SPH changed the rest of your life? You mentioned something um I I think in the notes that you sent me about how like insults just roll off you now. Like you're just like fucking whatever. Like I can take it. Is there like just like an emotional strength that you have that's superhuman now?

SPEAKER_00 1:03:52

It feels that way. It really does because it's just like, look, I love to get my cock made fun of. Like honestly, there is nothing you can get at on a on a guy more so than like making fun and calling, you know, of his little cock, right? Yeah, and that gets me off. So like you can just say the worst type of shit you can think of to me, and it's gonna roll off my back because it's just like I am so zen. Like, I love the humiliation. Like, I don't, I just, I just do. So it's like, I don't care, man. Like, cut me off in traffic. I don't give a fuck. Like, it's just I'm cool. I am just so laid back and chill, like it doesn't matter. Um, so I do feel that way, like embracing this and embracing well, and it's not just SPH, right? I mean, it could be just any form of humiliation that you're that you might find in BDSM, um, or uh just any humiliation kink in in general. Like, if you do embrace it and you find somebody that you trust and consensual and and you, you know, you go through the setup and and you're like, yeah, I can, you know, I'm kind of into this. You know, what do you think? And when you're when you're taking such harsh comments, right, like yeah, it wounds and it stinks, but then also just like titillates and thrills and just like, oh my god, this is giving me such energy. And so then once all that kind of settles, I mean, I honestly I think that's where uh you know, subspace and those types of, you know, like bondage and and masochistics and all those things, like you go through that kind of thing because you're getting that release, and then when you're coming out on the other side of it and you do need the aftercare, which is crucial, but then you're just like, Yeah, man, the world, whatever. Yeah, like I got this. You're not gonna get to me. You're just not gonna get to me.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:42

I love that.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:43

So, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:44

Um, there's a couple things I wanted to comment on. Um, just with this whole story. Um, you mentioned the locker room. And I, you know how many times over the last decade I've had cucks talk about the locker room experience. Like the locker room is doing a lot for boys. Like it really is. It's a it's part of many, many origin stories about, oh, look at that guy compared to me. Like, oh shit.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:17

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:19

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:20

And then you're and then oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:22

Yeah. And then you're just like, uh, no wonder, you know, you have so many girlfriends, or you know, like it's just it, it is so it really does make you feel insecure, like, especially back then. Um yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:38

I think as women, we just don't have something that compares to the locker room experience. Like we have just a shitload of media in society that can make us uh it is there to make us insecure about our bodies. So we've got that. But the locker room, wow, formative for a lot of guys. But I also wanted to mention the dick pic thing. Like, yes, it's the dick pic is this fucking toxic masculinity shit of like here, look at my fucking specimen that I have. But okay, I I get the I get a different form of that. I get because I bet you do. Yeah, you know, you know where I'm going with this. Like, I think so. Not only do I get like I don't get dick pics from black guys a lot, but when I do, I tend to appreciate them at least a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:26

But anyway, um the now you're gonna get a whole lot of dick pics. You know this, right?

SPEAKER_01 1:07:33

I get well, maybe, I don't know. I get dick pics from guys who like SPH, unsolicited dick pics from them because they want that reaction from me of like, oh, ew. Ew, that's tiny. And so it's a dick pic on shitty behavior level level that's just different. Because they're not trying to impress me with their dick, they're trying to get me to humiliate them based on their dick pic, which both of those those those behaviors are shitty. Like don't they are don't do that to me. I'm I'm not here for that.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:15

And same thing for like if you are in a relationship like it's really important to to talk about this. I mean if so okay

Consent, Safety, and Aftercare Basics

SPEAKER_00 1:08:23

first off um typically what I tell my advice to people is is like um even in my own experience right I was drinking when I confessed this to my wife the first time um and she was drinking too and then that also is probably what led to the magical evening that we had because those inhibitions were down. Yeah. However I do want to say to people that if if there is something that you are like really nervous about sharing with your partner um and you don't know how this is going to be received um you don't just drop this out of the blue. You really do need to think about your timing. I would also say I mean yes in my experience I'm gonna sound hypocritical by saying that you really kind of want to talk about this when you're sober. Yeah I know yeah you know but I'm gonna sound like a hypocrite by saying that by recommending it. But maybe okay just a touch buzzed maybe just a little relaxed. Yeah and then maybe right you could talk about it. But you also need to think about your timing like if if your partner is you know is not in a good head space or is really stressed out or you you gotta weigh that you gotta make sure that you're because especially with SPH like you're asking someone to make fun of your most precious appendage right like if you're a guy um and honestly in a relationship in general so by asking someone to do that they uh my wife um as we you know continue to sort of explore it and talk about it you know I'm like the meaner the better babe like I just I you you can call it useless um you can call it a Dicklet uh she liked Dicklet um she wasn't gonna call it useless um so like there are like these really mean things that I hear on like the videos I watch that I would really love for her to say but she's not gonna do that. Like right right uh she's like I love you like why would I why would I say such a mean thing like like that right and and I'm and I'm going but I really really would love it if you did and she's like I just can't I would feel like a horrible person. So you really have to consider that when you are trying to uh to talk this out with with uh someone else um you can't number one you can't just drop it on them and number two um they may not uh they may not want to do it um and you gotta respect that like you you've just got to respect that boundary maybe you'd like kind of talk it out a little bit like with me and my wife like she'll say well I'll call it cute yeah and I'm like okay well I mean that that works I'll say little guy and I'm like okay that's good right yeah but you know um she's not gonna threaten me with castration because like like uh you're just a you know anyway um so that's that's crucial and then also just think like where you are in the relationship right like yeah I don't know I mean maybe if I had introduced myself as someone who's perfect for anal my life might have been entirely different. Uh but um I think yeah just just getting that out there and and how serious and how severe do you want to be with it? How comfortable is the other person. Yeah I think most importantly like what you were saying about people who send you unsolicited dick pics that want SPH right like that's an ambush and that's not ethical and that's not respectful. And so you definitely don't want to like try to do that to your partner. Like especially you just you just don't it's just not right. Yeah so I those are the the crucial things that I would also like to get out there as far as this kink. Because if you're trying to trick your partner into it it's just that's that's gonna that's gonna fail.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:36

Oh and also please do not try to get that like to mention this while you're having sex or foreplay like you know if especially for the first time you know if she's like filling you up and you're like hey can you can you like yeah yeah can you just oh my gosh yeah bad idea bad idea no no no no no don't don't do it yeah don't do it and don't ask about other partners until you sort of get that established and then sure go ahead well that's what I want to touch on and I I hope everybody's really listening to this because this is important. Um you talked about like have just about like having a safe space or having that level of communication and trust with your partner as being critical for exploring this. And even still I will I want to say to everybody listening with when when it comes to women one of the most dangerous things that we can do is bruise a man's ego um physically dangerous. So we're most likely gonna get beaten up assaulted maybe even killed this is what happens okay so there are a couple of things like that you that women you know commonly get killed from their partner or or severely um assaulted from their partner is if threatening to leave or cheating on their husband. Okay so when it comes to cuckolding when uh one of the most dangerous things that a woman can do is be uh sleeping with somebody else. So if you come across your or your wife or your girlfriend is hesitant to want to do that, just understand that there's legitimate reasons that you know are behind that. Like okay this might this feels very unsafe like especially if he can't process those emotions properly in the moment this is feels very safe unsafe for a woman but bruising a man's ego around the size of his dick because we talked about how this ties into his sense of masculinity really saying these things to a man with brutal honesty can be one of the most dangerous things that a woman can do. So please keep that in mind that you have to sort of nurture this this um safe space for her to feel okay with doing that. But also I just want to tie in Paul with what you just said about what the comfort level is of your wife your wife probably does actually genuinely honestly believe that your dick is cute. Okay so she feels comfortable saying that she doesn't genuinely honestly feel like it's useless because it still gets her off. So it does I for me as a woman enjoying SPH and really feel feeling comfortable saying these brutally honest things comes down to honesty. And that's what I how I learned how to do this properly because I was just like if I'm I'm just gonna say the things that I actually mean and what if that sounds mean then I don't care this sounds what I actually what I actually mean so that's how like I really kind of like that's how I went from this feels unnatural and this feels weird to like no actually like this is real. So hopefully that helps some people listening to right now because SPH can be one of the most awkward kinks to really look so awkward and feels performative and fake and all of those things.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:14

If you just really kind of lean into what feels honest and what feels like oh yeah I can't that's actually real like I can I can say that and if I mean and she's been she's just been fantastic around that because it's just like well I mean yes honestly like I would absolutely love it if she were meaner but she's not gonna be and I'm not gonna make like I just I know that and the other the other thing is like it's really important to you like there is the aftercare element like even if it is kind of you know even if you do put it extreme that person who is performing the SPH like who's telling you that stuff right like if they're like my wife um I would imagine that they're gonna feel pretty shitty about themselves. Like I just broke you down and I just said the most horrible things about you know something that's really really intimate between us. And but but I'm doing this because you're asking me to and I see how excited you get but I feel like horrible about myself right so that's that's coming on the other side of it.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:18

Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:18

The person giving it and then you also have to think about the person receiving it. Um because you do need to kind of prep like oh this sounds amazing and I think I want that and I I watch this in this video or you know I read about it here or I see it in this story. And and then you know when it does happen you you might end up like me back with April. Like you might actually see that it ends up warping into a body dysmorphia that you may not have seen coming and then uh and then it could send you into like a a major you know psychological state where you you know so it is really really like you you do need to think about it. You definitely need to talk about it before you even try it. Yeah um and then you also just need to think about like in that in that conversation I think it's crucial to like okay what level are we going and and where do you feel comfortable because I don't want you to feel uncomfortable. And then even after it's over it's still important to like okay yeah that was fun you know and I love you and thank you and you know make sure that you have that that come down and and um and that you can feel safe in that relationship that is the most important thing.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:33

Mm-hmm love this so much. And that's how this ties into the sperm competition theory and you're not talking about that. And I this is something I haven't talked about on the show but I was just like okay now all the pieces of the puzzle have landed and now fit. Like I feel like okay I read that part and I was like oh my God this is it exactly so we need to talk about that on another show another time I have to have you back on. But where can people learn more about all of the things that you do? Because there will be the link to this Substack post kinky ink what April said a personal history of SBH is what we're talking about today in the show notes today.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:31

But where can everybody find the rest of all the things that you do okay um so the the article

Resources, Links, and Final Goodbye

SPEAKER_00 1:19:39

itself will take you to Sloan Black um it's her uh My Kink Mondays um so I was a guest post on that uh I recommend that you follow Sloan she is fantastic and there is a group of writers that I am part of that I'm very grateful. They have been such an enormously uh encouraging and supportive group and um that's another part of this where it's like I just want to I guess like just to make sure that people that are dealing with this that you aren't alone um that there are resources out there. So like me I just did my research and I think that um I do want to recommend there was The Erotic Mind uh by Morin I read that book which was kind of eye-opening and if you if you do have a kink that you're struggling with I think that's a good good book to start and then there was also uh Goldberg um super freaks that was incredible that's that's just an amazing uh text too so I recommend both of those uh I used quite a bit of that when I was actually like doing the academic kind of research for the other thing that I'm writing okay where to find me um Substack is probably the best place um so on Substack it's kinky ink um you can also just search for uh PK Hofferman or Paul K Hofferman um you'd find me that way on Substack I've also got links to um I got like two books on Amazon um but you know it's there I mean you can also find them on my Substack um but that's pretty much like the place to go um I'm also on Blue Sky um and I'm also on Medium so uh yeah I will put the uh links to those resources and links to all of those other sites in the show notes for today.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:36

Paul I can't wait to have you back this has been such a great conversation I'm just thrilled to have you on the show so thank you so much.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:44

Thank you so much for having me. It has just been such a oh gosh this is like making a fanboys dream I tell you it's just been amazing. Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:55

That's gonna be it for today's episode thank you so much for joining me make sure you go to Venuscuckolders.com that's where you

Venus Closing and Community Invite

SPEAKER_01 1:22:03

can book a private chat with me and you can also join the Queen's Quarters community and get all the amazing benefits like the private podcast and the helpful cuck tier where you can get key holding the private Snapchat group monthly private chats with me and weekly live hangouts and invites to special live events. Oh and you can also submit a question or confession for the show just go to Venuscuckled.com and click on the link that says the podcast make sure you follow me on blue sky social yes I said blue sky social fuck Twitter my handle there is at cuckledjust v. Alright that's it for today's show you guys we'll see you next time