The Venus Cuckoldress Podcast
Welcome to the Venus Cuckoldress Podcast - a place to learn all things cuckolding for the curious, the passionate, and the sexually empowered woman who wants it all. Venus explores the real meaning of this beautiful relationship dynamic and shares her personal stories, sexy ideas, and helpful tips for singles and couples who want to navigate the cuckolding lifestyle. It’s seductive, provocative, and always informative! Visit the matchmaking service for either loving cuckolding or FLR relationships: www.VenusConnections.com Also www.venuscuckoldress.com to check out the Queen's Quarters fan hub and community.
The Venus Cuckoldress Podcast
Cage Up And Lock In For Locktober - Chastity With a Twist, With Key Barrett Msc
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
You can lock a body part, but you can’t fake intimacy, and that’s the point of this conversation. I’m joined by my favorite returning guest, author Key Barrett Msc., to talk about Locktober, male chastity, and why a chastity cage can be less about “denial” and more about resetting the emotional center of a relationship.
We dig into the real lesson behind his book Locked-In Love: when orgasm stops being the silent finish line, a lot of couples rediscover courtship, affection, and that feeling of being wanted without having to negotiate for it. Key breaks down how men’s goal driven wiring can sneak into sex and even everyday kindness, and how chastity creates a clearer, calmer space for sensuality, touch, and connection. We also get nerdy with the brain chemistry (dopamine, endorphins, oxytocin) and why small moments of closeness start to feel bigger when you’re locked.
Then we get practical. We cover common Locktober mistakes, comfort and safety basics, why ring sizing is the biggest point of failure, and why you should always keep a spare key for travel or medical situations. Key also shares what changed when he pushed past two weeks to a full month, including an unexpected exploration of femme coded presentation, and how vulnerability can make a marriage feel more solid instead of more fragile. Plus: a teaser for a chastity sex position coloring book that’s actually happening!
Get the Locked-In Love book - https://www.amazon.com/stores/author/B072PPJM5Q
Contact: keybarrettmsc@gmail.com
Find Key Barrett on Bluesky - https://bsky.app/profile/keybarrett.bsky.social
Join the Pillow Talk with Zack and Brooke October 2nd - https://www.venuscuckoldress.com/events
🍆💦💥 Motorbunny; a ride on sex toy for those who are ready to climax to a new level of endless possibilities. Get $50 off yours at https://motorbunny.com/Venus
❤️ Private matchmaking for cuckolding and FLR ❤️ Learn more at Venus Connections - https://www.venusconnections.com/
❤️xoafterglow.com❤️ Meet the platform for ethical porn. Made by women, for women (and everyone). We make and share videos that portray sex accurately and treat performers with dignity, because nothing is sexier than consent. Use code VENUS for a free 7 day trial at ➡️ https://afterglow.ubpages.com/venus/
Destination Links for Venus - https://lnk.bio/VenusPodcast
Welcome And Why October Matters
SPEAKER_02This is the Venus Cuckolders Podcast, a place to learn all things cuckolding for the curious, for the passionate, and for the sexually empowered woman who wants it all.
SPEAKER_01Let's go.
SPEAKER_02Welcome to the show. I'm your host, Venus. Thanks for joining me today. This is a special October episode. It's that time of year where so many guys want to lock up their dick and give their partner the key. So today's episode is featuring one of my absolute favorite guests, Key Barrett, been on the show a few times before to talk about chastity. He is the author of the book, one of my favorite books, called Locked In Love: How Two Weeks in Chastity Can End the Barter System, Renew Courtship, and Make a Better Husband. If you have not read it, you absolutely have to just order it on Amazon or it's on audiobook as well. Um, it's fantastic. But he's here, he's gonna be talking about all sorts of things about chastity, how chastity can benefit and transform not only you and your partner, but your relationship as well. Uh, he's also got some incredibly useful tips and some common sense ground rules if you're thinking about doing Locktober, um, and things to watch out for as well. And also, of course, some funny stories. So this episode has it all. If you're thinking about chastity, about doing Locktober, this is the one to listen
YouTube Strikes And Where To Listen
SPEAKER_02to. But first, I have a couple of announcements. The first one is okay, some of you guys have been emailing me already. Like, why did you stop posting your episodes on YouTube? And I was like, no, that was not something I wanted to do. But YouTube has given me two strikes for breaking their community guidelines on sex and nudity or some stupid shit like that. Who the fuck knows, honestly? They don't tell me any information other than that, so it's not like I can change the show in any way, shape, or form. So I once you get three strikes, you're completely banned. So I am not able to post anything on YouTube for three months. So for the 20-something thousand of you who listen to this show on YouTube, uh, you're gonna have a little bit of a break unless you want to start listening to this on some kind of app like Apple Podcasts or Spotify or even on VenusCuckled just.com. You can listen to it there. So you're not gonna find anything on YouTube for a hot minute, and it's because YouTube can eat a big bag of ticks. Uh the second announcement, I have a really fun pillow talk coming up. By the way, the last pillow talk with Mistress B was fucking awesome. So the next one is coming up, it's gonna be Friday, October 2nd. It's a live chat event, it's happening in the Queen's Quarters community online. It's free to join live. And this pillow talk is going to be with Zach. He was on the last episode. And this time his wife, Brooke, is going to be joining him as well. So they're gonna be chatting with me for pillow talk. So if you want to catch that and ask some questions or um share some conf comments about the show, you can do that. You can just go and register for the Queen's Quarters community at Venuscuckled.com. Just click on the events tab. The link will be in the show notes for today's episode as well. So mark your calendar. That's October 2nd. Oh, and it's gonna be at 10 a.m. Pacific time, so that is 1 p.m. Eastern. Okay, that's it for announcements. Let's jump into today's show. Here we go.
Key Barrett Returns And Must Read Books
SPEAKER_02Okay, joining me on the show, I have one of my absolute favorite returning guests, Key Barrett, who is the author of two of my favorite books that I have had everywhere, everywhere. Do you know how many guys I've had make, I've made them buy these books? Because like I had it on my dating profile for a while until I got kicked off of field. Um, but it was on there. I was like, because they were always asking, oh, what kind of FLO are you looking for? I'm like, well, actually, I have a couple of really great books for you to read. So anyway, welcome to the show, Key Merrill. I'm so excited to have you here again.
SPEAKER_00Oh, thank you, Venus. As always, it's a pleasure to be here. And you you do flatter me.
SPEAKER_02So these books that I'm talking about for all of you listening right now. Okay, I'll just give you a second to get a pen and paper and write this down because this is very important. The first one is the best book on FLR. It's called Surrender, Submit, and Serve Her. The Definitive Guide to Enacting Female Leadership and Embracing the Female Dominated Household by Key Barrett. So this book, phenomenal. Love the way it's written. It's it for me, anyway, I took away from it that this is kind of like how FLR looks in a fucking regular ass relationship. Okay. So very, very great book. The other one, the other one, very relevant to what we're going to be talking about today, is called Locked in Love. This one is how Two Weeks in Chastity Can End the Barter System, Renew Courtship, and Make a Better Husband. This, we've had you on the show. I've had you on the show before to talk about this book, um, both of these books, but especially this one here about chastity, because this was so fascinating. And after you being on the show and talking about this, we did the uh Locked in Love Challenge. We did that for I think at least a couple of years, maybe three years, um, where the two weeks leading up to Valentine's Day, we were like, okay, this is a two-week challenge, especially for beginners who've never done this before, for couples who want to maybe think about doing chastity. You can do it for two weeks. And then at the very end, and the last day is unlocking day on Valentine's Day. What a great gift! So this has been a ton of fun to talk about chastity, to learn about chastity. Um, and of course, what's coming up is Loctober, and everybody's talking about chastity. So, this is gonna be the best time for us to talk about chastity on the show, and who better to have on the show to talk about chastity once again is Key Barrett. So, thank you so much for being here. Before we jump into Locktober, because we're gonna talk about that. Um, do you want to just talk a little bit about what this book, Locked in Love, was about, why you wrote it, and everything that's happened since then, because it's been a minute since it came out.
SPEAKER_00Yeah,
The Two Week Experiment That Stuck
SPEAKER_00it's been a few years. Um it started because I also write fiction and uh erotica specifically. And I wanted to make sure that my Femdom erotica was authentic. So there was a character who was going to get locked in chastity, and I wanted to make sure that everything that I thought that was going to happen would happen. And so my wife, who is a very game person for these sorts of things, was like, yeah, sure. Well, you know, as long as you don't expect me to do anything. So we were like, sure, I'll just lock up and we'll lock up for a week and uh we'll just I'll journal how it goes. And you know, you I told my wife you need to expect that you can say no. That's the whole point of this. Um, you know, there's this is not a um, I'm not trying to turn you into a kink dispenser with this. We're really just trying to see what's happening with it. And very quickly, it became something really interesting and intriguing that had more to do about with our relationship than with our sex life. And we got to a week and we decided we wanted to extend it, and we were already you know journaling it. Um, very early, she started journaling with me. Um, and we decided to just go through to see how how two weeks were. And at the end of the two weeks, we sat down and talked about everything that had happened and what was different. And I think I've mentioned this before, but I thought that I was a very patient, caring, loving partner. And I was, but I did not know how much further I could go with that in a sort of I don't want to say altruistic way, but in a way that really took the locus away from me and put it on her, right? And and it by doing so, really put it on us, right? About making our relationship more strong and creating more spaces for both of us to be vulnerable and intimate without there being this end goal of sex. So that's that's how the that was the genesis of that book. And I would just like to add that I did not write this intending it to be a companion piece to the FLR book, but that's sort of how it's been perceived and used, I think, out there. And um and that's actually not a bad idea. Actually, I now that I think about it, it seems to be uh you've noticed probably as well, sort of a natural journey for a lot of the men that get into FLRs and really thrive in them that I think chastity comes along somewhere in there.
SPEAKER_02Yes. Oh, yes, because like I was just going through my FLR book right before I logged on here and I was highlighting this part. Yes, because in your FLR book on page 78, uh, you talk about you said this one thing and I've highlighted it. I've highlighted a few things in this book because like I fucking love it so much. Okay. But it says, you said sex shouldn't be about the end result in that sense. Giving for the sake of giving in the bedroom removes those pressures and feelings. It removes racing to a finish line and more accurately resets expectations. I think you'll find that it resets desires as well. So I do feel like that really overlaps with chastity and exactly with what you were just saying.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, uh, I think one of the things that it's difficult for men to perceive, and this is covered in the chastity book as well, a little bit in the FLR book, is that we have these uh arching overarching subliminal desires that drive our motivation, and we aren't even really cognizant of them. And they all they are very goal air oriented, pardon me. Very goal-oriented, right? They're uh trying to lead us to procreation. And honestly, that's how biology works, right? And and if we were simply, you know, out in a Serengeti somewhere, four legged beasts, it's perfectly fine. But um, we are emotional beings that have intimacy and connection, and our sex hasn't really caught biologically hasn't caught up with where we are emotionally, right? Uh as a species. So the one thing that was really fun about chastity is that it showed me very quickly with this sort of uh barometer of what I was doing solely with uh an end goal of trying to, you know, not coerce is the wrong word, coax into sex with this outcome, you know, the desired outcome of an orgasm, right? And once that was removed, um it became fascinating how much more intimacy played a part in everything we did as opposed to uh sexuality, right? Sensuality over sexuality is really fascinating and a lot of fun for both of us.
SPEAKER_02Oh uh there's see, I I I've come I've come over the last decade come across so many guys who have been like, oh hell no, I could never do chastity because I really like masturbating way too much. And I like my I there's no way I could go without it. Like there's just no way. But I really do wish that guys especially would understand that um there's so much growth, personal growth available to them if this is just something that they could try. Oh, the other thing I was thinking of, which is like so funny. Um, I was talking to somebody about this today at lunch, actually. That like I know he was like, was there like what was the origins of chastity from way back when? I'm like, I don't fucking know. I all I know is like medieval times there was chastity for women and it was meant for oppression, right? It was like actual like metal fucking underwear that women that was like locked on a woman so she could stay pure or whatever. Um, but I don't think that there was like chastity for guys back then. If there was, I have not seen it. I don't know, maybe you would know. Um, but it's it's funny that today now you don't really even in the kink world, don't see chastity for women. Um, but you sure as fuck do for guys. Oh, you do.
SPEAKER_00Oh, but yeah, yeah. It's become in the last 10 years, it's become basically a uh I'm gonna get all French de rigueur for any kind of femdom scene that the man be in chastity, right? It used to be that that was a little bit uh there, and some of that was in the more extreme ones that you might find. And now it seems that every single scene, if it's female dominated, the man is in chastity. Right. And mostly modern chastity is something that once again the straits have sort of adopted from the gays, right? This this was far more common um and more prevalent within uh the gay communities in the 80s and 90s, and um, it's made its way over to the straight community, and uh thanks to Amazon, it's made its way pretty much everywhere. In the world. Uh so yeah.
SPEAKER_02That's fascinating. So you do see uh female chastity in in the kink community, because like I have never seen it, but maybe I'm just not looking, not looking for it.
SPEAKER_00So I don't know. No, no, you're probably not looking for it. And it is it is much more niche than male chastity, right? Because it is, it is um, it is a little bit different. The mechanics are a little bit different, and um I wouldn't I wouldn't recommend um locking your bits up in a in a big steel plate. I don't think that that's particularly healthy.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, so I had the owner, I think it was last year, or yeah, last year I had the owner of the Kink Kink 3D on uh the show. And so I asked him, I'm like, do you ever get asked for like chastity cages for women? He's like, nope, never. Like, oh wow. It's just so funny that it's like so trendy for for enforced male chastity right now, which is hilarious. Um, okay, so you did the two-week chastity with uh your wife, and it was trans sounds like transformational. It was you learned a lot, both both of you, not just you. You journaled it together. You you you decided you were gonna publish this book. And how's it how's it gone since then?
SPEAKER_00Uh well, with us, chastity has become the thing that when we feel we need a good reset, we just go ahead and do it for a week, usually. Um, you know, we try and do Locktober, and I know we'll get to last year's Locktober in a little bit. But it's a particularly good reset for when we feel we are maybe because we have kids and they are of an age in which everything has to by necessity revolve around them, right? Like the reason I'm doing this as late as I am is because there were three different kid activities that had to be driven to. Um and the thing that falls by the wayside, I think this is everybody with kids of a certain age would uh know exactly what I'm talking about, is the time for intimacy. Right. And it tends to turn sex into a job. And you need to have that kind of intimacy, but there's this big misnomer that that kind of intimacy needs to be penetrative sex. And it it doesn't. Um, it needs to be the kind of intimacy that connects you emotionally and physically with chastity. You so there's a little bit of a biomechanical thing going on here. Um typical male orgasm
Dopamine Oxytocin And Intimacy Without Sex
SPEAKER_00is driven largely uh by dopamine. It's and dopamine is is the drug that makes you want to pursue things, right? Like it's it's the thing that your body gets filled with when you want to you're about to skydive or you're gambling or any of that kind of stuff, and sex, and it builds up and it drives you to the point that your body releases a massive amount of endorphins, which make you feel um calm and buzzy and all that kind of nice stuff. And then there's some other things that go on here, like prolactin that helps shut all the stuff down, and then oxytocin, which is the cuddle drug, which is anybody who's ever done aftercare will know that's what you're going for, right? The cuddle drug kind of resets everything and makes you feel nice. Oxytocin doesn't have to involve sex, like parents get a big dose of oxytocin when their kid runs up and gives them a hug, right? It's all about gentle intimacy. When you're in chastity, you don't get this huge spike of dopamine, but what you get is your base levels of dopamine go up a lot because every little intimate thing acts as something you're sort of chasing uh more of, right? Oh, she she grazed against me. I wanna, I wanna, you know, I wanna massage her feet. This is this is nice. Um, and the same thing happens with endorphins as well. So going back to your friend who said, Well, I could never do that because I like masturbating. Well, masturbating is great, it's very short term. Imagine taking that, sort of dulling it, but dragging it out for some people who tell you weeks.
SPEAKER_02It's like edging, right? It's like, yeah, yeah. Okay.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So when you can change what you define as intimacy to, hey, you know, we're gonna watch TV tonight, but I'm gonna do it with you in my arms, right? And this is gonna feel really nice and connected, then the worry about are we having enough sex? Are we are we being intimate enough goes away because you are being intimate enough. And when you are being intimate enough, you know it, right? You don't have to tell yourself this. These are things you just know, and chastity really helps with that. So we use that for us. Whenever we get thrifty or far apart, she can come up and she'll be like, all right, dangle, here's the keys. It's time. And you'd think you'd be resentful, but it's fucking sexy.
SPEAKER_02Oh, I love that. Is it always her that is like, all right, it's time, or have you been like, I think it's time?
SPEAKER_00Sometimes it's been me. Sometimes it's been me. Where um, because I I can be a little bit of a stereotypical guy and kind of keep it all inside, and then I'll be like, you know what, I need to do this. But a lot of times it's her. Um and sometimes it'll be because we've gotten in an argument that had absolutely no point to it or reason for it starting. And she'll be like, all right, that's it. We done arguing? Yeah, we're done. Sorry. All right, we're good. All right. Brought it on myself. Yeah, yeah. No one to blame but me.
SPEAKER_02Oh my god, I love that. So um, so two weeks was the longest, like when you after you when you wrote the book, two weeks was the longest that you were locked up. Did you after that were you like, okay, let's see if we could do it for longer?
SPEAKER_00Uh yes, and many times uh we would fail. Um one of the things that happens is when you do have release, especially after being locked for so long. Um it's hard to get back into it right away. Um, a lot of people who do um long-term chastity will talk about this and and it's becomes a reason why they never want to stop, is because it's um, you know, the ramp up period to get to that lovely plateau, it's not instantaneous. So, you know, life gets in the way again, and you're like, oh gosh, you know, I forgot. We're flying tomorrow. I'm not going to wear a metal chassis cage. And I know from the community there are people who will wear them straight on through the plastic ones, uh the resin ones. And they are braver men than me for sure. Um, yeah, that's not even something that's gonna be.
SPEAKER_02So they wear, you know, they wear they through security and they don't care. They're like, whatever, whatever happens, happens. Yeah, doesn't matter.
SPEAKER_00Hey, buddy, if you really want to know what this is, we'll go in the other room and I'll show you. But uh, you know, you've been warned. It's it's nothing terroristic, it's just uh yeah, my my dick in a metal cage.
SPEAKER_02I'm sure the security people have seen it a million times. Like, I'm sure. Oh, yeah, I'm sure they've seen everything a million times.
SPEAKER_00Oh yeah. But funny funny story aside, I I did go to Miami with my wife, and we did bring it in the
Travel Mishaps And Why Streaks Stall
SPEAKER_00in the not carry on. We brought it on check luggage, and we also brought a um a field. You know what those are? No, they're a very fun dildo, strap on dildo that uh you it has a it's like shaped and then it has a curve with a ball, so the woman wears it. In her vagina.
SPEAKER_02Oh, oh, I've heard about this. Yes. Fun.
SPEAKER_00And we were at a conference, and the conference had like breakfast, and the breakfast had a million little Tabascos. So I just like stole a bunch of those because I love hot sauce. And so on the flight back, naturally, our luggage was not uh coming out when everybody else's luggage was. And I can only imagine what the metal cage, the field dough, and a shitload of tiny Tabascos must have looked like when it went through x-ray. So yeah. They went through there. They went through there and they're like, man, I I don't want to go to whatever party they had in Miami. No. No.
SPEAKER_02What the fuck is happening in Miami?
SPEAKER_00How does the Tabasco fit in? I don't know. It just does.
SPEAKER_02Oh, that's funny. Well, you're really lucky that they didn't want to like inspect your luggage in front of you afterwards, you know, on the table in front of you.
SPEAKER_00To your point, that's probably the fifth thing they'd seen like that that day. So then you probably wanted to go home.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So life gets in the way sometimes, and then you you've you're not able to do it at the length that you are set out to do. And that's pretty common. You said you said something about the ramp up period being a bit tricky.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_02Um, can you expand on that a little bit?
SPEAKER_00Yes. So the first time you do chastity, it's going to be super exciting and novel and a little bit taboo. So your body is already super primed to ramp up, right? So your first day in chastity is going to be ever present and ever constant in your brain. And that is working to sort of increase the dopamine levels, increase the uh the baseline for the for the endorphins. And then, of course, by day two, you know, with me, my wife grabbed my hand while we were driving the car just to hold it. And I was like butterflies, right? That's um, and there is a connection there to when you're first dating someone, and there is, at least for the first three dates in a sort of traditional one, there is no expectation of sex, right? You're getting to know this person. So sex is off the table, intimacy is on, and that's like you know, when you start to make a connection with this person, you suddenly start feeling butterflies, you start to hold their hand for the first time, and it's like exciting and crazy. And your body is basically doing the same thing. You go home, you think about them all the time, right? Until the next date, you're you're racing to get to the next date, so you're constantly keeping this cycle going, and that happens with chastity the first time. But when it is a known quantity, uh you it's not that like this magic disappears, it's just that you don't have this extra uh juicing of like the taboo and all of that kind of stuff with it. So what takes a while is just naturally building up this this dopamine baseline uh through touch and contact. And that takes for some people, some people are lucky, that's like a day and a half or two. For me, it's usually three to five. For some people, it can take a very long time. A lot of this has to do with how quickly your body just sort of um does this on its own anyway, right? So I this is totally not empirical evidence, but I think if you're a person who has to masturbate daily, you probably will get there quicker than someone who's like, you know, once a week, right?
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_00Um, and you know, I I would love to see a correlation study done. Nobody's doing studies on this. It's been very hard to find studies that are even sort of semi-adjacent to it, although I have. Um, but I'd love to see a study between people who uh gamble a lot and also wear chastity. Like how quickly do they get into uh uh the zone? Because they're very much chasing the kind of same thing with gambling, right? This is this is sort of the delphopamine rush. But you know, Masters Johnson is not gonna fund that for me, so no.
SPEAKER_02Okay, so let's talk about Locktober last year. Let's get into it. Why
Planning A Full 31 Day Locktober
SPEAKER_02did you decide, hey, I want to do this? And was it it was your first Locktober that you tried, was it?
SPEAKER_00Uh it's the first Locktober that we got to 31 days, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Okay, okay, okay. So tried and failed before. And this time was able to do it. And I uh so so so bring me back to Locktober last year. What was the plan with your wife?
SPEAKER_00We were just gonna go ahead and really kind of double down and make sure that we we got this far. We were considering the idea that it would be interesting to revisit the two weeks and see what happens when you go past the two weeks, yeah. Uh, which we did. And we both sort of surmised that things might be a little bit different just because you know we were very used to this sort of one-week cycle where it gets to that nice place and it's very cuddly and it ends with uh a fun evening. And we kind of expected that there might be some changes uh when I'm in that sort of cuddle zone for 31 days. Um there were a lot. Okay, yes, um partially uh I know what you want to talk about, and I just want to caveat that by saying that there's nothing about chastity that made that appear, right? Like that's chastity can't do that for you. It can only accentuate what you might have already had in the back of your mind.
SPEAKER_01Okay, okay,
Femme Coded Exploration And Lingerie Courage
SPEAKER_01okay, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um so uh, but yes, we we definitely um we definitely leaned into more um, I guess femme coded existence might be the the word for it.
SPEAKER_01Okay, okay, so femme coded existence. What does that mean?
SPEAKER_00So uh as I got more cuddly and more soft edged as as the time wore on, I started to have this desire to um augment my uh choices of outfits is for lack of a better term. Yes. So um, and I talked to my wife about that, and she said, sure, you know, she's this is like you know, it's not something for her that's like, ooh, I would really love to see you in in stockings. But she's like, if that's something you want to do, yeah, you know, um, let's let's do this, partially because she was really enjoying, you know, the the month of solid attention and and devotion and all those sorts of things, and uh partially because she knows I'm a stubborn son of a bitch, and when I get an idea, it's pretty hard to get rid of. I do want to add one little thing. I had had an injury a couple of months before and been given um cortisone injections and then had a really negative aggressive reaction to it. This is a common side effect where you become basically Royd Ragey, right? Okay, and I I didn't do anything terrible, but I was very screamy and very out of control emotionally, and it kind of frightened me, not kind of, it did frighten me, right? Um, that that I could feel that way. And I think partially this was for me partially a response, a counter response to that, right? Like stepping back from this ultra-aggressive, ultra masculine, negatively masculine coded kind of like you know, big ape gets mad and screams and and you know, walks outside and you know picks up a rock and throws it on the ground, kind of stuff, because he can't deal with his anger in any other way. Um, so I think that was part of it. Uh, but we decided and we would put that out to people on Blue Sky to see if anybody had any interest in the idea of me pursuing that. And as you can imagine, on Bruce Blue Sky with the community that you and I follow and are followed by, there was interest.
SPEAKER_02I loved seeing that because I saw that post. I saw all of the guys who were like, yes, yes, go for it. Yes, yes. Like such a support crew. I was like, I fucking love this for you. This is so awesome. So yeah, on Blue Sky, I was watching like the progression of these posts and all of this. It was like you had a whole bunch of guys who were just rooting for you. I'm like, this is amazing.
SPEAKER_00And a couple of girls. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yes, and the yes, and ladies do, yes.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it was fun. It was, it was Blue Sky is for the most part such an antithesis to Twitter in that it's such a more supportive community. Yeah. Uh and and it's very nice to be there. And and I did feel supported. I did rather mistakenly give three options uh in the hopes that maybe they'd take the you know the the programmer socks or the the less um you know let's say bridal uh uh bridal porn option. But no, know your audience.
SPEAKER_02You yeah, yeah, know your audience is right. Yeah, and somebody, I think it was yesterday who said on Instagram, like you should really uh Venus, you should come back to Twitter. And I was like, hell no. I was like the it the incels on Twitter are insufferable. I am not ever going back there. Blue Sky in comparison has been such a lovely fucking place. I I've enjoyed it so much there. But yeah, I love these posts. It was so awesome. So you put out you put out a post saying what should what kind of what kind of alternative style of dress or dressing should I have? And they picked they, you know, picked garters and stockings in garters and stockings, yes.
SPEAKER_01Okay, it yeah.
SPEAKER_00And they picked um picked uh ivory garters and stockings, which uh ultimately my wife is like, this is where I draw the line. No, get get black. I'm not you're not, you don't get to put on the the uh the uh the wet wedding night the honeymoon suite. Yeah, you know, we're already married, you don't need that.
SPEAKER_02So did you actually go and buy something for that? You did.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I did. And uh I I tried them on and I wore them for uh off and on. Obviously, it's not something you can wear all the time, but when we would sit down for our evening to hang out and the kids were to bed, I would make sure that I had them on. And I have to say, uh I can see why this happens with people. Again, chastity will not put this idea in your head.
SPEAKER_02Chastity has to already be there, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, uh, but I can see why persons in chastity who have that idea embrace this because the feeling is something that definitely you know how I mentioned before, like the taboo when you first start uh chastity kind of ramps it up. Well, there's the taboo feeling here, but then also, you know, you've probably worn a pair of nylons and before. There's a feeling, a sensation to them that is actually quite pleasant and interesting. The the um I can see why nobody wears them all the time anymore because god damn it, if I have to fix one more of those straps again, you know. So annoying. I'm just sitting there. Why did it just go bing?
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00But it was it was uh it was really interesting and it was it was a lot of fun, and we do occasionally still uh address.
SPEAKER_02There was a photo. I saw a photo on Blue Sky. Yes, there was a there was photo evidence. Yes, it was very, it was very, very nice photo. It was classy, it was literally just like a small portion of you in the picture, or I think it was your leg or something like that. Um it was very nice. It was a very nice photo. It was not anything that was like fat lifey.
SPEAKER_00Um stafe safe for the Sears catalog, right?
SPEAKER_02Yes, yes, very nicely, nicely done. Um, but I loved that for you. And I was just like, oh my god, this was just so fascinating to me. So what did you what else did you learn from from incorporating that in with chastity? Because there you could do that without being in chastity, but this was something that worked really well together. Did you do it for the rest of Locktober?
SPEAKER_00Yes, with the with the caveat that, like, you know, you can't get up in the morning and do this and wear it all day, right? But yes, where we could, we did. And she kind of my wife kind of came to um, you know, at first it was like, oh, you're wearing them again, you know. Yeah, but then it was just like, oh, okay, uh, let me see them, you know, that that you can see. Of course, of course. And uh, you know, this it's a lot of fun. It's uh, you know, we know that this is very empowering for key holders, the just being in general. So, you know, she's always been one the further along we get into being uh locked to be like, okay, now it's uh time for our evening. Present. I want to see, you know, you know, that kind of stuff, which the further along you get into being locked, the the the more fun that that is every single time. It does not get old. It is very, very much uh fun. It is it is a form of engagement, right? Even if it's not, I mean, that's one of the more I don't honestly kind of overtly sexual engagements, you know. Hey, you're presenting to her, but um all of that showing off being there's a vulnerability that comes with being in chastity and being in lingerie and feeling comfortable enough to show your partner these things.
SPEAKER_02Yes.
SPEAKER_00And that when you have that kind of vulnerability and intimacy, you start making your relationship
Vulnerability That Makes Relationships Stronger
SPEAKER_00not bulletproof, but you really start making your relationship feel fundamentally like it's on a very solid platform, right? Yeah. And that's a two-way streak because when you can be, especially as a man, I mean it's hard for anybody to be vulnerable. I don't want to say that this is unique to men, you know. Um but uh when men are allowed to be vulnerable, they are very receptive to the idea of somebody else's vulnerability. Right. And not just in the standard, oh, oh honey, you're crying, come here, I'll give you a big hug, big man shelter kind of thing, which is good too. It definitely has its place, but in the kind of oh, you need to talk about this, and I'm just gonna sit here, eyes on you, and listen. Right. And just like, I'm not gonna try and throw solutions out here unless you ask me, right? I am gonna just look at you, be engaged, and listen so you feel seen and heard, and you get to say these things that you may have been bottling up for God knows how long because you didn't think you had a partner that could hear it. Right. Um, and when you get past those things, there's no recriminations, there's no resentments, it's just oh, you know, we didn't do this together as a partner, Shift, but now we are, and isn't that great? Right? That's yeah, so um, yeah, it's funny that something as silly as wearing uh nylons that you more or less lost a bet with the internet on, uh, can add uh uh add layers of intimacy to your marriage, but there you go. The world is a magical place.
SPEAKER_02I love this so much. I love this. This is all about personal growth. This is all about evolving, this is all about, like you said, strengthening your relationship through immense vulnerability um and trust. Like that's fucking amazing. I I I was so excited to watch this on on Blue Sky. I was just like thrilled. Um, so are you what what is the plan for Locktober this year?
SPEAKER_00Well, we're actually going to do it in November this year, and um I have to have a surgery. It's don't worry, everything's fine. But um, I am uh a former sports guy, and my former sports have caught up to me. Yeah, yeah. So uh we're doing something now, and it is going to leave me very immobile, and we decided that this was not the time to do it, but I should be unimmobilized mostly by November, so we're gonna do it then. But we are definitely gonna go and try and do it for the entire month. Um, this is my secret floyd to have the entire attention of the world because everybody will have already done Locktober and I'll be the only one doing it. Yes. Yes, not not really, but but we really wanted to do it again, and we're really looking forward to it. Uh funny aside story, speaking of um sports injuries and and lingerie, I was um going through my pre-operation call, and the I didn't realize I was on a speaker phone with everybody in the office, but they say to me, uh, you know, it's an inpatient surgery, but you'll be out that day. But because of the fact that we're doing this on your leg, you need to wear something very loose-fitting to get around all of the stuff. And I said, Well, I'll be sure that I'm wearing my very favorite sarong. And everybody just like I just didn't realize I was on speakerphone until I heard the entire office bursting into peals of laughter.
SPEAKER_02Where you go, embarrass yourself a little bit more. That's great.
SPEAKER_00I don't know why I said it. It came up. I have no excuse that I wasn't on, I'm not on the I'm not on the propofol yet.
SPEAKER_02That's that's oh my god, what are you gonna say?
SPEAKER_00Oh I can I share a story about propofol?
SPEAKER_02Yes, yes.
SPEAKER_00Okay, so my one secret superpower is that propofol takes like 30 seconds longer to knock me out than it does other people. Um and I went in for, as a man of a certain age, I went in for a uh a colonoscopy. And they start talking to me as they're giving me the propofol, and they're expecting me to be like, you know, like Mr. So-and-so, how are you feeling? You're gonna um so they say, Mr. Uh Spirit, how are you feeling? And they're expecting me to be like, well, I'm just but I'm still there, but I'm feeling the effects. I said, I'm fine. And they're like, Are you really? And I'm like, Yeah, my two favorite things are naps and butt stuff.
SPEAKER_01Oh shit.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And then I was I I I I fell asleep to again peals of laughter from from everyone in there. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Oh my god, I love that. You know, I bet they've heard they've probably heard some wild shit. Like I'm serious. That's probably the tame it, the tamest stuff they've heard. The truth serum. That's so awesome. Oh my god, I love that. Um, okay, so you're gonna be doing Loctober in November. So that's great. Um what about? I know I've I keep bringing this up, but I'm still waiting on a chastity coloring book.
SPEAKER_00Oh okay,
The Chastity Coloring Book Idea Gets Real
SPEAKER_00so yes, you have talked to uh PK, right? You know, uh we're and we are working on it. We have several done. It's sadly been I've been the slower part of this. I I have a new one to him, um getting one out to him this week called the trampoline, which is fun and rather um uh sports uh oriented. Most of these are are are very uh realistic positions that are fun, like the canoe, which is all about your pleasure while you're forcing him to kind of balance himself, you know, like he's the canoe. Um and we're having a great time. His illustrations are fantastic, and like you think, oh, okay, we'll just have a you know, it's a coloring book. So we'll have a woman and then a man and they'll be on bed, but he's like creating the entire worlds and scenes in it so that you get to color all of it. Because let's be honest, a lot of people doing this coloring are gonna be in chastity themselves, and so the longer you make them focus on all the little details and sort of absorb the scene rather than getting directly to the point, the more you're gonna sort of ramp up the fun for them as well. But on top of the fact that it's a chastity sex position coloring book, it does cover all the sex positions. There are I'm sure more. We'll probably have to have editions two, three, and five. It's gonna be like a DSM five, you know. Like we're gonna keep diagnosing new sex positions, but um they're real, they're vetted, they're a lot. Of fun, and they run from mild to you know wild and involving toys, right? Like, so one of the fun things about chastity, if you're into say femdom in the bedroom, is uh the psychological world it opens involving things like uh gender swapping and and traditional role swapping. So, like, you know, I think anybody who's into chastity has certainly seen strap-on-porn where the male is wearing a cage, right? That is that's very common. But there's a lot to that, including like what positions you do, who's who's doing the work, not who's in charge, but who's doing the work in this situation that kind of like adds extra fun wrinkles to it if you're gonna go um, if you're gonna go that end. But if you're on the more like, hey, you know, we're a happy couple, we're fairly vanilla, but we've started this. There's still a ton of fun positions that are all about her pleasure and her uh her engagement and his engagement and her pleasure, right? Like, so we have one called the 60, which is the 69, but it since he can't do anything, we've taken the nine part out of it, right? So it's just the 60. And so you can imagine how fun that is to color, but from a perspective of the key holder, you get all the pleasure in the world, plus you get to tease your partner while you're doing it, or just you know, look at it, watch how have fun at at his frustration as he maybe strains against the cage, which he will likely be doing. Um, knowing full well, especially if you're a week into this by this point, knowing full well that that frustration is something he loves and wants, right? So you feel again empowered to do this, to be this person, without having to suddenly adopt, you know, thigh-high leather boots and uh a riding crop and all this kind of stuff. You can be deliciously independently wicked without having to define yourself as something, you know. You you define yourself as something sexy, not something necessarily porny, right? But and if you like to go that route, there's plenty of sex positions like that as well.
SPEAKER_02I cannot fucking wait for this book to come out. You know I'm getting one.
SPEAKER_00Oh, you're gonna write the forward. You're gonna write the forward. I've already decided.
SPEAKER_02Oh my god, I was so excited for this because I love art stuff. I mean, I totally do. Um, so this combines two of my big loves, uh chastity and art. So and yeah, PK Hofferman was on the show recently to talk about SPH, uh a small penis humiliation, about the blog post that he did. And it was fucking amazing. And he's just wonderful. So he told me he was uh gonna be doing the illustrations for the book, and I was like, yes, it's fucking still happening. Yay! So when this comes out, like it is gonna be a thing. And I cannot wait to see everybody's like draw, anybody, everybody's art that they make with the with this book. They better be fucking be posting it everywhere all over social media. Well, maybe I get kicked kicked off Instagram for that, but maybe I don't know. It's art isn't art allowed, right?
SPEAKER_00Exactly. It's adult coloring. This is this is an important part of art. This is um art art brute, art savage, right? You know, we're we're not professional artists, but uh we we can color, and that's that's a very respected art form. And yeah, I would like to add that we are not sticking throughout the book with like whole traditional gender norms, right? Like it's not always the guy and always a girl, right? There's always somebody in chastity, but we want this to be for everybody because chastity is like again a big as someone who practices uh as a practitioner of chastity, a big thank you to our brothers in the gay community who helped surface this and and had this, you know, well and truly part of uh a subset of their community for years before it ever got over here. So yeah. Um I am not trying to I've we are certainly PK and I are not going to do something that is just like uh oh, you know, look, look what these let's straight straight couples invented.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah, exactly. Shout out to Gay Land for being OGs with the chastity. Love it. Um okay, and then yeah, I cannot fucking wait for that to come out. Um before we wrap this up, I'm gonna tell everybody where or have you tell everybody where they can learn more about you and buy your books and all that sort of stuff. But before we do that, can we just can you just run down a few of your the kind of the most important tips for anybody trying chastity
First Time Chastity Rules And Safety Basics
SPEAKER_02for the first time for Locktober?
SPEAKER_00Absolutely. First, find a size guide. This is the single biggest point of failure, and you're gonna be surprised. It's not the tube, it's almost always the ring that goes around the your testicles and the penis. That's too tight, you'll quit. Um, straining against the tube, whatever. Your your penis is a big fleshy thing that has no bone in it. It can do that, right? This is why it's flat chastity is a thing, right? It's it's uh, but if you don't get a good size guide, you get the wrong ring, you'll quit. Um, the other one is though this is enforced, it's enforced by word, not by deed. You should always have a spare key with you. You never know when you forgot you're going to the airport, or uh you never know when you're you got in a minor car accident and you really want to take this thing off before the uh you know the EMTs check you out.
SPEAKER_02MRI. The MRI sketch shit.
SPEAKER_00Yes, um, and by the way, the resin ones do have metal in them still, they have the little locking mechanism, so you you don't want to take that to an MRI, it's not MRI safe either. Um and if you're doing this with a partner, you can't trick this is just like the FLR. You can't trick your partner into being your key holder, but you can read this book or others and understand that when you approach them for the first time, you'll be able to talk to this about why you think this is something that would work, why you think this is something you want, and why this is not a kink dispensary. This is not you expect it could be fun. There's nothing wrong with it working and being fun. But the idea of this is not to put more sexual burden on your partner, but to actually put less. So the key to that is communication. And if you feel something when you're doing this, find the right time, but express it. This is these these things are gonna surface. Things you didn't know are gonna surface out of this, and you may be confused by them at first because they're gonna be packed behind a lot of feelings, and those feelings are for the most part are good, but you know, along with vulnerability sometimes comes guilt. I felt guilty for a lot of the sort of barter system that I had participated in unknowingly, um sometimes knowingly, let's be honest. You know, sometimes you sometimes you know. Um and expressing that to your partner gives them the chance to see that this is working, that this is not something just about sex, and gives them the chance to express things to you. Uh and ultimately the whole point of this is that it is a fun tool to help your relationship become stronger and more adventurous and more fun.
SPEAKER_02I love that. Oh my gosh, it's been so great to have you on the show again. Okay, where can people go to get these two books? My favorite books, Surrender, Submit, Serve Her, Locked in Love, and all of the other books that you've written as well. Where can they go?
SPEAKER_00Sadly, I am only available on the Evil Empire um Amazon. But uh to their credit, their trade paperbacks are quite good, high quality, and they you can get them if you're in Germany, you can get them if you're in uh the Netherlands or Indonesia or the United States or Canada, right? That's the advantage. You can get these books everywhere. Um, Locked in Love is available in Spanish. That's the only one that is also available in Spanish, but you can also find them on Audible if you are a podcast person. They are on Audible, not voiced by me. So they actually um Tanter Media uh contacted me and had them voiced. Uh uh Locked in Love is read by a man and uh uh Smit Server is read by a woman, which is very interesting to hear my words said by a woman whom they obviously picked because she has a very sultry voice. So might be for an interesting uh you know ride home and traffic, but uh available there. And then, of course, I am on Blue Sky, and both of my books contain my email at the back of them. So I correspond regularly with people who have questions. If you have questions, please reach out. If I have the answer, I'll give them to you. But if I don't, I'll be honest with you and say I don't have that answer.
SPEAKER_02Well, I will um put links for your blue sky, the books, and your email in the description notes for today's episode. Key, it's been so fucking fantastic to have you on the show again. So thank you so much.
SPEAKER_00Always love being here. Thank you so much.
SPEAKER_02That's gonna be it for today's episode. Thank you so much for joining me. Make sure you go to VenusCuckledess.com. That's where you can
Closing And How To Join Venus
SPEAKER_02book a private chat with me. And you can also join the Queen Squarters community and get all the amazing benefits like the private podcast and free helpful stuff here where you can get free holding the private Snapchat for the monthly, private chat for free, and weekly live hangout and invite live slow. And you can also submit a question or questions for the channel if you can slash on my friends on flags and flash flows, so you can see that we're gonna be able to get a little bit of a change.